10 Things I Will Never--Ever--Buy My Child...

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August 16, 2011

It’s that time of year when moms like me are frantically buying any and everything their kid might need for the new school year. I’ve already splurged on more fall clothes than my daughter actually needs, but I am proud to say I do have my limits. There are things I just hands-down refuse to by my daughter. From booty-licious jeans to beauty products, here are 10 products you should consider boycotting, too:

1. Apple Bottoms jeans. Or Apple Bottoms anything for that matter. I’ve written about this before and I stand by it. As long as I’m paying for my daughter’s clothes, she will never–ever–wear Apple Bottoms jeans. If you ask me, there is no reason for a toddler or little girl to be walking around with bedazzled apples on her behind.

2. Triangle bikinis. This is also something I’ve complained about before. If we’re honest, the point of a triangle bikini is to be a little sexy. And if you’re an adult, it’s fine to choose to wear something that’s sexy. But my 3-year-old? Uh-uh. There’s just no reason for my toddler to be prancing around the beach with her tummy and chest exposed.

3. A leash. I know there are some moms who are adamant about child leashes–err, safety harnesses–but I am not one of them. I would say I have a fairly rambunctious toddler on my hands and our primary mode of transportation is walking. I will admit it is a pain sometimes to keep up with her, but not once have I ever considered strapping her into a harness. If you ask me, leashes are for dogs, not children.

4. Designer denim. $100 for a pair of toddler jeans is just plain crazy in my opinion. I don’t spend that kind of money on my own jeans, let alone my child’s. And what happens when your kid grows 3 inches over the next 3 months? Do the jeans grow, too? For $100, they should. Just saying.

5. Johnson’s Baby Care products. I am in no way an eco-maniac, but I will never use Johnson’s baby wash, lotion or shampoo on my daughter again. Why? All of their products–and lots of others–contain trace amounts of formaldehyde and 1,4-dioxane, which the FDA has encouraged manufacturers to remove. I’ve heard the argument that our parents used it on us, so it must be okay but I’m not buying it. There’s just no way I’m washing my infant or toddler with something that contains the same chemical used to preserve the pig I dissected in junior high. Especially not when there are so many amazing all-natural alternatives.

6. A Burberry lunch box. Because it costs $195. Enough said.

7. Kidz Bop CDs. It still amazes me how well these CDs do. I literally stopped in my tracks a few weeks back when I heard that the latest Kidz Bop CD was #2 on the Billboard charts. Although I completely get why these CDs appeal to parents, I’ll never be the mom who actually buys them for my kids… mostly because just hearing the commercial makes me want to reach for earplugs.

8. A “big kid” carrier. Although my daughter is tall for her age, she doesn’t put those long legs to use with long strides. Nope, she walks so slowly. A walk that takes me 3 minutes alone takes 15 minutes when I’m walking with her. I briefly considered putting her back in a carrier–she is under the 40 lb weight limit, after all–but quickly came back to my senses. Why on earth would anyone want to carry an extra 40 lbs on their back (or front)? Just leave the house earlier, dude.

9. Baby gear that costs more than $250. $1000 stroller? Never. $800 crib? Nope. $300 high chair? I don’t think so. I did not splurge on any of my daughter’s baby gear and you know what? I have no regrets. Why? Because 90% of what I bought to use during that first year I’m not using anymore. Had I spent $1000 on a Bugaboo, I would still be cramming my toddler into a stroller intended for an infant. But because I only spent $150 on her stroller, it’s perfectly fine with me that the thing is collecting dust in my parent’s garage.

10. A monogrammed backpack. Last year my doctor scared the crap out of me when I showed up to my daughter’s 2-year appointment with her monogrammed backpack. My pediatrician–who is usually very low-key–went on this huge rant about how once someone knew my daughter’s name it was that much easier to lure her away. I’ve been sufficiently scared to monogram anything else ever since.

What about you? Are there products you absolutely refuse to buy your children? Weigh in in the comments.

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Click here to email Jeanine, the author of this post.

 
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