Chop-sticking to My Story
beauty | July 28, 2010

16 Cosmetics Names That Horrify Us, From Mildew To Funeral Home

The recent drama over Rodarte’s Mexico-inspired MAC line has us thinking. In case you missed it, there was an outrage over  the ‘Juarez’ and ‘Factory’ nail polishes, because as The Frisky puts it: ”Juarez is an impoverished Mexican factory town notorious for the number of women who have been raped and murdered there.” Not the best choice for  a shimmery pink.

What’s even more ridiculous is how many other ill-advised, offensive, and just plain gross beauty names are out there. Juarez is certainly not the first or last – check out some other atrocious names we found (and feel free to leave your own):

Although OPI’s own Mexico-inspired nail polish line is pretty clean, their Hong Kong Collection is questionable. The borderline stereotypical Chop-Sticking to My Story ($2.65) and A Good Man-Darin Is Hard to Find ($4.73) names leave us feeling like an elder relative just used an out-of-date term at the dinner table. Just awkward.

In the sexually explicit category, Essie’s After Sex , Over the Knee and Sugar Daddy are winners (or losers?). They’re not horrible… until your boss or mother innocently ask what nail polish color you are wearing.

Imagine someone asking you what scent you’re wearing and confidently replying Funeral Home. Way to bring down the room. Or how about Turpentine or Condensed Milk – all actual scents by the demented folks at Demeter.

Speaking of something fishy, Demeter’s Lobster scent should go perfectly with Essie’s Clam Bake – which conjures up images of stinky fish, not the ocean (if that’s what they were going for). Would you like some drawn butter with your beauty regimen?

The nastiest names we’ve heard come courtesy of Urban Decay (whose makeup I love, btw). There’s something about applying an eyeshadow called  Roach (a mauve-brown) or Mildew (a puke green) or Stalker (pretty purple) that just seems wrong.

Finish it off with a liner – Urban Decay’s bright blue Deviant, and all that’s left to do is spray a few squirts of Demeter’s Dirt and you’re ready for a night on the town.

Read up on more beauty finds starting with our favorite waterproof makeup and our favorite drugstore makeup finds. Also check out our favorite scents for summer.

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comments
  • Uh

    Your criticism of Demeter’s naming practices is irrelevant because the names are perfectly in line with the products themselves. It would have been more constructive to criticize the inherent creation of perfumes that smell like lobster or dirt– you still would have been wrong (they make scents art, not accessory), but slightly more constructive.

  • bette

    ::rolls eyes:: i want to hope this is a satire. but i am terrified that it’s not. would you rather everything be named green002? perfume829? creative names are fun and the companies listed are consistent. demeter fragrance library makes fragrances that are unique and unconventional and name them very bluntly – you know what youre getting. what the hell is going to be in some abstract name like fantasy, love, inspiration, star, etc??? and urban decay is known for its street language and rough city names – often referencing drugs and sex (yeyo, quickie, etc). and OPI is very known for their over the top puns, i dont think any of them are offensive.

    again, hoping this is a satire. otherwise stop getting your panties in a bunch