Maidenform's Backless Bra: Reality Television Finally Did Something Other Than Kill Your Brain Cells
December 8, 2008
What: Maidenform Breakthrough Backless Bra, $25
There was a dark period in my life during which I saw more aging breasts than Brett Michaels during a 2008 Poison tour. I was a bra specialist. I fitted, advised, and helped women who had issues of the mammary. It wasn't all bad, excepting three problems:
1. I know there are not pretty bras for women of more than ample cleavage. It's definitely a valid complaint. However, before working as a bra specialist, I did not know that those women would enjoy yelling at me about it… like I got paid $9.00 an hour to make sure their 42Gs would never don a delicate bra. (Technically, physics was responsible for that.)
2. I was uncomfortable with strangers' nudity.
3. Backless dresses.
Because, as summer approached, women naturally wanted to show off their backs. After all, most women naturally have pretty attractive backs. But not all women have self-supporting or A-cup breasts. Generally, I was left to advise women to try scary silicone cups that one had to adhere to their chest (NuBra). A lot of people were intimidated by the NuBra…including me. It kind of looks like mannequin anatomy.
But now, thanks to the television show AMERICAN INVENTOR, Maidenform has brought to market a new breakthrough, backless bra. (Even Gawker interrupted their Julia Allison coverage to get in on the revolution.) Priced at only $25, this backless bra is both affordable and functional for warm weather's barer fashions.
A silicone strip keeps the bra in place, molded cups provide support, and all that is required of you is. to. never. slouch. Like the song says, LEAN BACK. And don't move your arms too much. Because if you do, you run the risk of your smooth, seamless bra cup being completely dislodged from where it should be…actually supporting your breast.
But that's just my opinion. And I have bad posture.