There is a saying that goes, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” and in general, I tend to think that’s fine advice. If you want to continue to receive gifts, best to show a little appreciation. But the reality is: not all gifts are created equal.
So given that is ’tis the season of giving, I thought I’d do a little pre-emptive PSA on a few of the products that seriously annoy moms. That way when your friends and family are shopping for the kids this year, they know to skip right over these. Thoughtful right? Casually post this on your Facebook page to spread the word…
1. Anything that requires me to get less sleep than I already do. Yes, I really appreciate you buying my kid a discounted semester of piano lessons on Groupon or wherever, but you know what that means? I–not you–I have to wake up at the crack of dawn on my one day off to get her there. Either you really don’t like me or you really don’t value sleeping in very much.
2. Super skinny jeans. Since when aren’t regular skinny jeans good enough? As if it’s not hard enough to pull off–or get into–skinny jeans, retailers like Gap and Old Navy have upped the ante with super skinny jeans. As a mom with a daughter, it’s totally annoying. Because if these things don’t go away soon, I’m going to be living in constant fear of the day when my daughter comes to me crying that she’s not skinny enough to fit into super skinny jeans. So please, skinny jeans or jeggings. Enough with the super skinny crap.
3. Toys that make a lot of noise. Like most toddlers, my daughter was obsessed with Dora the Explorer for a long time. When a friend gave her this Dora the Explorer talking backpack last year, my daughter was thrilled. I, on the other, wanted to shoot myself. It seemed like every time my daughter touched–or even looked at!–this friggin’ backpack it made noise. After a month, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I sent the thing to my parent’s house. Moral of the story? My kid already talks nonstop, I have to listen to Yo Gabba Gabba at volume 50–I don’t need toys adding to the noise.
4. Obnoxious graphic tees. How come there are never any shirt that say “I heart reading” or “I heart my mom”? Bling? Really? JCPenney is infamous for hawking obnoxious–and sometimes offensive–tees, especially for little girls. Whatever happened to, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t make annoying kids’ clothes”??
5. Toys that require 65 batteries. I’m sure just about any kid would love this Air Hogs video camera plane, but the friggin’ thing needs 6 batteries to fly. Do you know how much 6 batteries cost? That’s easily an extra $10 on top of the price of the toy itself. Except after you’ve given the gift, I have to keep coughing up $10 every month to keep the plane in the air. No thanks.
6. Kids clothes that are just as expensive as adult clothes. Call me selfish, but you can’t give my daughter a $125 pair of Tory Burch flats and expect me to be happy with a Starbucks gift card. I’m going to catch feelings. Also, it’s a lot of pressure to take care of clothing and shoes you know someone spent way too much for. Every time you see my daughter in those expensive shoes, I’m just going to be wondering if you’re judging me for letting her scuff up your $125 pair of shoes.
7. Chemical-laden baby beauty products. Johnson’s recently came out with an All Johnson’s Natural product line. Commendable, yes. But WTF does that mean about their non-natural products?? Yup, they’re not very natural at all. In fact, they’re loaded with chemicals moms have been petitioning them and the government to have removed.
8. Clothing with mispellings. I get that this shirt is trying to convey the accent, but my kid won’t. Just spell it correctly and save me a headache and the expense of a spelling tutor. Of course, it’s even worse when the misspellings aren’t intentional.
9. Triangle bikinis. For toddlers. I know that lots of moms disagree with me on this one, but I just can’t. My daughter is 3 and I don’t want her parading around the beach in the equivalent of a bra and panties. A one-piece is fine, a rash guard is even better, but the sun exposure coupled with the sexualization of a triangle bikini make it one of those gifts I’ll accept, but never–ever!–use.
10. Apple Bottoms jeans. This is another one I’ve ranted about before and while some moms think these jeans are cute and innocent, I don’t. I’m already kind of iffy about jeans with embellished back pockets, but back pockets shaped like apples? No thank you. I don’t want any unnecessary attention being drawn to my child’s rear end.
Did I forget anything? If there’s anything you definitely don’t want your kid to receive this holiday season, here’s your chance! Share the products that annoy you in the comments.
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