X

Enter to win a FREE
Detox Mud Treatment
from Exuviance!

*By entering to win, you agree to receive future emails from Exuviance.

10 Signs You Suffer From Parent Paranoia, Also Known As Parent-anoia

Large Editorial Image


August 19, 2011

For the most part, I would say I’m a pretty chill mom. Actually, you be the judge. I have my moments of paranoia, but doesn’t every mom? If you ask me, there are two things that truly terrify moms: their child getting hurt or someone taking their child. I think being cognizant of those things and parenting accordingly is what makes us good parents. But I was recently told that I sometimes take it too far. Actually, that I have parent-anoia.

Ouch. Maybe I do have parent-anoia, but I’d venture a guess and say I’m not alone. Here are 10 signs that apparently classify me as a paranoid parent:

1. The whole personalized backpack warning scared the crap out of me. When my doctor even hinted that my daughter’s adorable monogrammed backpack could make it easier for her to be abducted, I freaked out and told my little girl we could never take it outside again.

2. Me + the ER = BFFs. Earlier this summer my daughter fell down three stairs–that happened to be concrete–and had two nasty scratches on her face. My first thought when I heard what happened? “OMG, you might have a concussion. We have to go to the hospital!” 5 hours and $600  later, turns out she was fine.


3. Code name Pooch. Yes, for a while I tried using a code name with my daughter when we went outside together. Again, this stemmed from something my pediatrician told me. My daughter and I basically follow the same routine every day, so some random pedophile or child thief could easily learn our pattern and in turn my daughter’s name because I speak to her out loud. My doctor’s solution? Use a code name when in public, so if anyone other than me called my daughter by this name she’d know something was up. Like I said, I tried, but this one didn’t last very long.

4. You know those caves they have at some playgrounds? The ones kids can crawl through like a maze? Yeah, I don’t let my daughter go through them. Actually, I do, just not without me squatting right next to her squeezing through the tunnel. I know the chances are slim, but an abductor could theoretically be waiting in there to snatch up my kid.

5. I won’t vacation without my daughter. I also won’t let any loved one take her more than 2 states away. When her dad’s side of the family was planning a trip to Disney earlier this year, I just couldn’t wrap my head around her being in Florida while I was in New York. So I invited myself on the trip. Yup. Her dad and I are no longer together, but I spent an entire week with him–and his entire family–900 miles away from home.

6. I tried to talk my daughter out of getting on a rollercoaster. I know–it’s embarrassing. And in retrospect I really regret it. But that rollercoaster was so old and rickety and I honestly thought there was a good chance my little girl would get stuck on the track somewhere. Of course, she made it safely off the rollercoaster–and loved it–but the thought of her being on one of those rides still makes me queasy.

7. Confession: Part of the reason I still co-sleep with my daughter is because I’m terrified someone will kidnap her in the middle of the night. I know I will eventually have to get over it, but for right now she stays–in the bed–with me.

8. Given my… protective… ways, you would think I’d be all for child leashes. Turns out, I’m not, but it’s a very rare occasion to see my daughter and I walking down the street without holding hands. Tightly. On the even rarer occasions that I let her walk without holding my hand, she is already well-trained and knows that if she falls behind me or gets more than 5 paces in front of me, she will not have dessert that night. It’s kind of shameful to admit, but yes it’s true.

9. The open door policy. In addition to my habit of walking around my daughter naked, we also have an open door policy in my house. That means when anyone uses the bathroom, the door stays open. She can’t use the bathroom with the door closed and neither can I. I know it’s weird, but if she needs me or something happens to her I don’t want a closed door standing between us.

10. Please don’t report me to the authorities for this, but when I shower, I bring a bunch of my daughter’s toys in the bathroom so she can play in there while I’m showering. And yes, I lock the door. I just don’t think I could enjoy a shower knowing that my daughter was in another room… and that someone could get to her and me not know it until I was out of the shower. Scary.

Okay, so tell me. Am I taking it too far or just being a concerned, protective parent? Are there any unusual things you do in the spirit of keeping your kid safe? Share in the comments.

Sign up for our newsletter to get even more finds delivered right to your inbox.

Click here to email Jeanine, the author of this post.

 



  • J.McLaughlin Just Launched A Shoe Collection And You're Going To Want All Four Styles

    J.McLaughlin Just Launched A Shoe Collection And You're Going To Want All Four Styles

    Style

    today

  • 5 Cheap Natural Chapsticks Dermatologists Swear By

    5 Cheap Natural Chapsticks Dermatologists Swear By

    Beauty

    1 day

  • Drop Everything--Ulta's Holiday Beauty Blitz Sale Is Happening Right Now!

    Drop Everything--Ulta's Holiday Beauty Blitz Sale Is Happening Right Now!

    Beauty

    1 day

  • 9 iPhone Apps That Will Make The Holidays Easier, According To An Expert

    9 iPhone Apps That Will Make The Holidays Easier, According To An Expert

    1 day

  • Target Is Going To Have SAME-DAY Delivery Service in 2018!

    Target Is Going To Have SAME-DAY Delivery Service in 2018!

    Shop

    1 day

  • 5 Simple Ways To Boost Your Mood This Winter #WellnessWednesday

    5 Simple Ways To Boost Your Mood This Winter #WellnessWednesday

    1 day

  • Mark Your Calendar! The New NARS Natural Radiant Longwear Foundation Launches On December 14

    Mark Your Calendar! The New NARS Natural Radiant Longwear Foundation Launches On December 14

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Want To Work At SHEfinds? We're Hiring!

    Want To Work At SHEfinds? We're Hiring!

    2 days

  • 18 Wedding Dress Trends That Are Going To Be HUGE In 2018

    18 Wedding Dress Trends That Are Going To Be HUGE In 2018

    Weddings

    2 days

  • Curology Makes Custom Skincare Tailored For Your Unique Skin... Get Your First Month Free!

    Curology Makes Custom Skincare Tailored For Your Unique Skin... Get Your First Month Free!

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Once And For All, Here's How To Heal Dry, Cracked Lips #SheFindsSoutions

    Once And For All, Here's How To Heal Dry, Cracked Lips #SheFindsSoutions

    Beauty

    2 days

  • You Can Get Wine At Trader Joe's For Under $20 (You're Welcome!)

    You Can Get Wine At Trader Joe's For Under $20 (You're Welcome!)

    2 days

  • The One Drugstore Chapstick You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Drugstore Chapstick You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    2 days

  • 4 Amazing K-Beauty Skincare Products That You Can Get From CVS Right Now

    4 Amazing K-Beauty Skincare Products That You Can Get From CVS Right Now

    Beauty

    2 days

  • See Ugg's Collection For The New Movie

    See Ugg's Collection For The New Movie "Star Wars: The Last Jedi"

    Kids

    2 days

  • Stay Warm This Winter In One Of These Stylish Wool Coats Under $200

    Stay Warm This Winter In One Of These Stylish Wool Coats Under $200

    Style

    2 days

  • These Cute Faux-Fur Lined Merrell Boots Actually Make Us Excited For Snowy Winter Weather

    These Cute Faux-Fur Lined Merrell Boots Actually Make Us Excited For Snowy Winter Weather

    Shop

    2 days

  • This Is The Strapless Bra Every Woman <em>Needs</em> For Holiday Party Season (And Beyond)

    This Is The Strapless Bra Every Woman Needs For Holiday Party Season (And Beyond)

    Shop

    2 days

  • When Is The Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale & What Goodies Can You Expect?

    When Is The Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale & What Goodies Can You Expect?

    Style

    2 days

  • Don't Miss Your Chance To Win A SodaStream Fizzi Signed By Jillian Micheals!

    Don't Miss Your Chance To Win A SodaStream Fizzi Signed By Jillian Micheals!

    Style

    2 days

  • The $10K Blow Dryer & More Gifts For The Girl Who Already Has Every Beauty Product

    The $10K Blow Dryer & More Gifts For The Girl Who Already Has Every Beauty Product

    Beauty

    3 days

  • 5 Concealers That Actually Make Your Skin Better, According To A Dermatologist

    5 Concealers That Actually Make Your Skin Better, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    3 days

  • 5 Cheap Natural Products Dermatologists Swear By To Unclog Pores

    5 Cheap Natural Products Dermatologists Swear By To Unclog Pores

    Beauty

    3 days

  • All Of These Cute Black Dresses Are Less Than $50 #YoureWelcome

    All Of These Cute Black Dresses Are Less Than $50 #YoureWelcome

    Style

    3 days

  • Here Are The Best Aromatherapy Oils That Smell Amazing & Are Amazing For You!

    Here Are The Best Aromatherapy Oils That Smell Amazing & Are Amazing For You!

    3 days

  • 5 Cheap Natural Products For Under-Eye Puffiness Dermatologists Swear By

    5 Cheap Natural Products For Under-Eye Puffiness Dermatologists Swear By

    Beauty

    3 days

  • We're Giving Away <em>Free</em> Exuviance Detox Mud Treatments #SampleSaturday

    We're Giving Away Free Exuviance Detox Mud Treatments #SampleSaturday

    Beauty

    5 days

  • Here's How To Find Your Exact Skin Undertones

    Here's How To Find Your Exact Skin Undertones

    Beauty

    5 days

  • The Too Faced x I Want Kandee Melted Mattes Are Too Sweet For Words (Check Out These Swatches!)

    The Too Faced x I Want Kandee Melted Mattes Are Too Sweet For Words (Check Out These Swatches!)

    Beauty

    6 days

  • Can You Believe These Gorgeous Backpacks Are Actually Diaper Bags?!

    Can You Believe These Gorgeous Backpacks Are Actually Diaper Bags?!

    Style

    6 days

  • Alert: These Are The Last Days To Ship Gifts For Christmas This Year (Don't Wait Too Long!)

    Alert: These Are The Last Days To Ship Gifts For Christmas This Year (Don't Wait Too Long!)

    Shop

    6 days

  • Meghan Markle Was The Most Searched Woman In 2017

    Meghan Markle Was The Most Searched Woman In 2017

    Celebrity

    today

  • 3 Kylie Cosmetics Red Velvet Holiday Lip Kit Dupes That Are Just As Great As The Original

    3 Kylie Cosmetics Red Velvet Holiday Lip Kit Dupes That Are Just As Great As The Original

    Beauty

    today

  • The One Skincare Product You Should Never Use After Working Out, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Skincare Product You Should Never Use After Working Out, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    today

  • The One Hair Gel You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    The One Hair Gel You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    Beauty

    1 day

  • The One Drugstore Deodorant You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Drugstore Deodorant You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    1 day

  • The One Hair Brush You Should Stop Using For Thinning Hair, According To Experts

    The One Hair Brush You Should Stop Using For Thinning Hair, According To Experts

    Beauty

    1 day

  • The One Deodorant You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    The One Deodorant You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Kylie Jenner’s Boobs Have Gotten HUGE, And We Love It!

    Kylie Jenner’s Boobs Have Gotten HUGE, And We Love It!

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • The One Beauty Trend That Will Be Out For 2018

    The One Beauty Trend That Will Be Out For 2018

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Kim Kardashian Is Being Accused Of Plagiarizing Designs For Her Kid's Clothing Line

    Kim Kardashian Is Being Accused Of Plagiarizing Designs For Her Kid's Clothing Line

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • Did Kourtney Kardashian Really Not Realize That Her Bra Was Showing Through Her Shirt?

    Did Kourtney Kardashian Really Not Realize That Her Bra Was Showing Through Her Shirt?

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • The One Vitamin You Should Take For Longer Hair, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Vitamin You Should Take For Longer Hair, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    2 days

  • 4 Anti-Inflammatory Foods You Should Eat For Sagging Skin, According To A Dermatologist

    4 Anti-Inflammatory Foods You Should Eat For Sagging Skin, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    3 days

  • Um, Did Kendall Jenner Not Realize That Her Outfit Was Completely See-Through On The Red Carpet?

    Um, Did Kendall Jenner Not Realize That Her Outfit Was Completely See-Through On The Red Carpet?

    Celebrity

    3 days

  • These Were Rihanna's Hottest Instagram Selfies Of 2017

    These Were Rihanna's Hottest Instagram Selfies Of 2017

    Beauty

    3 days

  • 4 Surprising Things That Are Ruining Your Skin, According To Dermatologists

    4 Surprising Things That Are Ruining Your Skin, According To Dermatologists

    Beauty

    5 days

  • 5 Cheap Natural Products Dermatologists Swear By For Sagging Skin

    5 Cheap Natural Products Dermatologists Swear By For Sagging Skin

    Beauty

    5 days

  • Who Does Meghan Markle Have to Curtsy to — and Who Will Bend and Bow to Her?

    Who Does Meghan Markle Have to Curtsy to — and Who Will Bend and Bow to Her?

    Celebrity

    6 days

  • Celebrities Who Have Been Honest About Their Past Drug Addictions—So Brave!

    Celebrities Who Have Been Honest About Their Past Drug Addictions—So Brave!

    Celebrity

    6 days

  • These Are The Best Collaborations You <em>Need</em> To Know About Now

    The Perfect Gifts For The Star Wars Fan Girl Or Boy On Your List

    Shop

    6 days

  • We've Got Swatches Of Too Faced's New Chocolate Gold Eye Shadow Palette & They're Incredible!

    We've Got Swatches Of Too Faced's New Chocolate Gold Eye Shadow Palette & They're Incredible!

    Beauty

    6 days

  • Upgrade Your Holiday 'Do With One Of These Stunning Party Hairstyles

    Upgrade Your Holiday 'Do With One Of These Stunning Party Hairstyles

    Beauty

    6 days