As much as I love seeing my daughter have a blast at our local playground, I also secretly dread going there. I’m sure the other moms are well-intentioned, but they ask the most inappropriate questions. Maybe I’m just a private person–or overly sensitive–but I just met you and I don’t think it’s any of your business whether or not I have a husband and if we’re trying to have another baby.
So before you plan another playdate or make small talk at the swings, consider the ways in which you’re probably stepping way over the TMI line.
1. Are you trying for baby #2? Because what your’re basically asking is whether or not I’m having sex. And that is very freaking weird. I don’t even talk to my mother about having sex, let alone a complete stranger. If you must know, ask whether or not I’d like another child.
2. Are you married? I will admit I am extra sensitive about this because I am a single mom, but even still, if there’s no ring, you probably have your answer. If you ask, I just feel like you’re rubbing in the fact that you’re happily married or that you’re pitying lowly ol’ me and then we’ll never be friends.
3. How old are you? Yes, I look young, but that doesn’t give you permission to ask my age. And no, following my response with “Oh my goodness, you look so young. You look great.” doesn’t make it better. I have a kid, you have a kid, we’re both here. That’s all you need to know.
4. Are you doing IVF? Actually, anything related to fertility is off-limits unless I open the door. It’s an uncomfortable, sometimes painful conversation as is which means it probably shouldn’t be going down at the playground.
5. Is that your kid? You just saw her hop out of this stroller I’m pushing, right? Then yes, that’s my kid. I will initially take it as a compliment that I look so good and there’s no way I could have pushed a baby out of this svelte body, but don’t push the issue. She may not look like me, but she’s mine.
6. Is he/she autistic? I get that moms whose children suffer from certain ailments are looking for moms who can relate, but if you ask me this and my child isn’t autistic, how can I take it as anything but an insult?
7. Are those real? This also applies for “is that real?” It’s just always in poor taste to question the authenticity of something someone else owns, so don’t do it. Yeah, I may be a young, single mom, but that doesn’t mean I can’t buy my own diamond ring.
8. Can you watch him/her for a sec? NO. No I absolutely will not watch your kid while you go make a phone call or get a pretzel or talk to your friend on the other side of the playground. I’m stressed enough making sure no one kidnaps my own kid, I simply cannot be held responsible for your child, too. Sorry.
9. How do you manage without a nanny? Whoopdy-friggin’-do you have a nanny to wipe your kid’s snot and push your double stroller for you. Awesome. Good for you. If I could afford a nanny, obviously I would have one. So please, don’t rub it in. Just enjoy your hired help and leave me alone.
10. Are you the nanny? This is typically offensive on so many levels because you are essentially implying I’m not ______ enough to be this child’s mother. Not old enough, not wealthy enough, the list goes on. All you need to know is that the kid came here with me which means I’m responsible for him/her. End of story.
Anything else annoy you on the playground or other places you interact with moms you don’t really know? Share in the comments.