X

Enter to win a FREE
Magnetight Mask
from Dr. Brandt!

*By entering to win, you agree to receive future emails from Dr. Brandt.

10 Things My Daughter Will Reveal in Her Tell-All...

Large Editorial Image


October 3, 2011

Have you heard about Martha Stewart’s daughter’s new tell-all? I don’t think anyone believed Martha to be a saint, but from the leaked excerpts of Alexis’ book, Whateverland: Learning to Live Here, Martha may have been one crazy mom.

According to reports, Alexis alleges that on Halloween “There were no costumes. There was no anything.” She also says Martha went to the bathroom without closing the door and made her do everything perfectly.

Sounds scary, right? Actually, now that I think about it, that sounds a lot like me.When did I become Martha Stewart?

Okay, actually, I’m not at all like Martha. In the crafty, Susie homemaker sense anyway. But I can be a bit, umm, rigid when it comes to raising my daughter. So before she turns 21 and realizes I’ve scarred her for life, I’m preemptively airing my dirty laundry. Here are 10 of the things you’ll probably read in my daughter’s tell-all 20 years from now…

1. I’m paranoid. I sometimes suffer from debilitating fear that she will get hurt or kidnapped and as a result, I do crazy things. Like lock her in the bathroom while I shower…

2. I cancelled Halloween. I kind of hate Halloween, so when my daughter remarked she didn’t want a costume, I ran with it. Now, she’s totally okay telling everyone, “We’re not going to Halloween this year.” And I couldn’t be happier.

3. I lied. Like, a lot. Every day for at least six months I made up an array of lies about why I had to go to work and couldn’t stay home with my little girl. I’m not proud of it, but blame it on the mommy guilt.

4. I called her a drunk. It was only one time and it was in jest. I can’t really explain it–you had to be there.

5. We bathed together. My daughter actually asks me to get in the tub with her, so I can’t be 100% culpable for this. While she is 3, I think she appreciates her mom playing in the tub with her. When she is older, it will completely gross her out to think we were naked in such close proximity.

6. I didn’t close the door when I go to the bathroom. This is part of the paranoia, but I also don’t think it’s that disgusting to pee with the door open. It’s natural, we all do it, so what’s the big deal?

7. She slept with me. For a very long time. Most kids get a toddler bed when they’re about two or three, but not my daughter. We were still sleeping together way past her third birthday.

8. I put too much pressure on her to be smart. Although I think all parents want this for their children, I maybe went a little too far with TV restrictions and the flash cards.

9. I liked being a single mom. Maybe to the point of occasionally alienating her father. I’m not saying I purposely excluded him from anything, but his apathy made it pretty easy for me to get all mommy and me time my heart desired.

10. I sometimes let other kids bully her. Because I’m a pretty nonconfrontational person, I struggled for a long time with the right way to handle toddler conflict. The result? My daughter has been sucker punched and punked by other kids on more than one occasion.

11. I took all the fun out of birthday parties. Yeah, I know I said 10, but there’s one more. I never had very memorable birthdays as a child, so I feel the need to overcompensate for my daughter. I plan, and I stress and then I get anxiety. And everyone knows an anxious mommy is not a happy mommy.

What about you? What not-so-nice things will your child reveal in their tell-alls? Share in the comments.

Sign up for our newsletter for even more great finds delivered right to your inbox.

Click here to email Jeanine, the author of this post.

 



  • Every Wine Lover Needs This $19 Accessory

    Every Wine Lover Needs This $19 Accessory

    Shop

    today

  • The One Piece Of Jewelry Every Cool Girl Wants For Valentine’s Day

    The One Piece Of Jewelry Every Cool Girl Wants For Valentine’s Day

    today

  • Weekend Project: Make Your Own DIY Face Mask

    Weekend Project: Make Your Own DIY Face Mask

    Shop

    1 day

  • Nordstrom's Bestselling $27 Tunic Is Back In Stock--Grab One Quick Before It Sells Out Again

    Nordstrom's Bestselling $27 Tunic Is Back In Stock--Grab One Quick Before It Sells Out Again

    Style

    1 day

  • These Genius Packing Cubes Are A Game-Changer

    These Genius Packing Cubes Are A Game-Changer

    Shop

    1 day

  • These Are The Best Sites That Give You Cash Or Store Credit For New And Lightly-Worn Clothes

    These Are The Best Sites That Give You Cash Or Store Credit For New And Lightly-Worn Clothes

    Style

    1 day

  • Target Just Added 11 New Products To Your Favorite Brand This Morning

    Target Just Added 11 New Products To Your Favorite Brand This Morning

    Beauty

    1 day

  • Shoppers Can't Stop Raving About This All-In-One Home Security System

    Shoppers Can't Stop Raving About This All-In-One Home Security System

    Shop

    1 day

  • The 5 Best Stress-Relieving Items That You NEED In Your Life--From Fidget Spinners To Stress Balls.

    The 5 Best Stress-Relieving Items That You NEED In Your Life--From Fidget Spinners To Stress Balls.

    1 day

  • Forever 21 Is Making This Big Change To Its Stores

    Forever 21 Is Making This Big Change To Its Stores

    Beauty

    1 day

  • These Are The Best Collaborations You <em>Need</em> To Know About Now

    LeSportsac Just Launched An Adorable Collab With Hershey's

    Shop

    1 day

  • Here's How To Wear Metallic Booties Like A Style Blogger

    Here's How To Wear Metallic Booties Like A Style Blogger

    Shop

    2 days

  • 8 Galentine's Day Gifts That Are Perfect For The Lady Love In Your Life

    8 Galentine's Day Gifts That Are Perfect For The Lady Love In Your Life

    Style

    2 days

  • The One Dress That Looks Good On Everyone, According To Fashion Experts

    The One Dress That Looks Good On Everyone, According To Fashion Experts

    Style

    2 days

  • Target Just Casually Launched Its First Fragrance Line This Morning

    Target Just Casually Launched Its First Fragrance Line This Morning

    Beauty

    2 days

  • We Just Found The Most Amazing Pair Of Fleece Leggings Ever... And They're Only $19!

    We Just Found The Most Amazing Pair Of Fleece Leggings Ever... And They're Only $19!

    Style

    2 days

  • Psst! These Gorgeous (Waterproof!) Suede SOREL Booties Are 50% Off Right Now

    Psst! These Gorgeous (Waterproof!) Suede SOREL Booties Are 50% Off Right Now

    Style

    2 days

  • boohoo Is Having An <em>Epic</em> Sweater Sale Right Now--Prices Start At Just $16 With Our Exclusive Promo Code

    boohoo Is Having An Epic Sweater Sale Right Now--Prices Start At Just $16 With Our Exclusive Promo Code

    Style

    2 days

  • Beauty Pick Of The Week: Why I'm Obsessed Over The Too Faced Sweet Peach Eyeshadow Palette

    Beauty Pick Of The Week: Why I'm Obsessed Over The Too Faced Sweet Peach Eyeshadow Palette

    Beauty

    2 days

  • This Is The Most-Searched Fashion Trend Of 2017 (It's Not What You Think!)

    This Is The Most-Searched Fashion Trend Of 2017 (It's Not What You Think!)

    2 days

  • How Does Amazon's No-Rush Shipping Rewards Work? Here's Everything You Need To Know!

    How Does Amazon's No-Rush Shipping Rewards Work? Here's Everything You Need To Know!

    Shop

    3 days

  • Where To Buy Those Tiny Sunglasses Everyone Will Be Wearing In 2018

    Where To Buy Those Tiny Sunglasses Everyone Will Be Wearing In 2018

    3 days

  • 4 Skincare Products People With Clear Skin Always Use

    4 Skincare Products People With Clear Skin Always Use

    Beauty

    3 days

  • These Apps Will Help You Keep Your New Year's Resolutions #WellnessWednesday

    These Apps Will Help You Keep Your New Year's Resolutions #WellnessWednesday

    3 days

  • These Are The Best Leggings Ever (& They're Not See-Through!)

    These Are The Best Leggings Ever (& They're Not See-Through!)

    Style

    3 days

  • Here's Your Complete Guide To Sulfate-Free Beauty Products

    Here's Your Complete Guide To Sulfate-Free Beauty Products

    Beauty

    3 days

  • Here's Everything You Need to Know About Jade Rolling, The Hottest New Beauty Craze

    Here's Everything You Need to Know About Jade Rolling, The Hottest New Beauty Craze

    Beauty

    3 days

  • Want Glowing Skin When You Wake Up? Try This Overnight Mask From Dr. Brandt

    Want Glowing Skin When You Wake Up? Try This Overnight Mask From Dr. Brandt

    Beauty

    3 days

  • In Case You Hadn't Noticed, North Face x Nordstrom Just Dropped A Major Collab

    In Case You Hadn't Noticed, North Face x Nordstrom Just Dropped A Major Collab

    3 days

  • Don't Miss Your Chance To Score Ray-Bans For $79 At Nordstrom Rack Right Now

    Don't Miss Your Chance To Score Ray-Bans For $79 At Nordstrom Rack Right Now

    3 days

  • How To Clean White Reebok Classics So They Look Brand New

    How To Clean White Reebok Classics So They Look Brand New

    Style

    4 days

  • The Real Reason Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Got Divorced

    The Real Reason Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Got Divorced

    Celebrity

    today

  • The One Drugstore Product No One Should Be Using Anymore, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Drugstore Product No One Should Be Using Anymore, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    today

  • 5 Common Mistakes That Are Making Your Hair Thin, According To Experts

    5 Common Mistakes That Are Making Your Hair Thin, According To Experts

    Beauty

    1 day

  • 3 Cheap Products For Blackheads That Dermatologists Swear By

    3 Cheap Products For Blackheads That Dermatologists Swear By

    Beauty

    1 day

  • Um, How Bella Hadid Not Have A Wardrobe Malfunction In This See-Through Top?

    Um, How Bella Hadid Not Have A Wardrobe Malfunction In This See-Through Top?

    Celebrity

    1 day

  • 3 Fenty Beauty Killawatt Freestyle Highlighter Dupes That Are Just As Great As The Original

    3 Fenty Beauty Killawatt Freestyle Highlighter Dupes That Are Just As Great As The Original

    Beauty

    1 day

  • This Is The Worst Thing To Put On A Zit, According To A Dermatologist

    This Is The Worst Thing To Put On A Zit, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    1 day

  • Scott Disick's New Girlfriend Is Trying Really Hard To Be Kourtney Kardashian

    Scott Disick's New Girlfriend Is Trying Really Hard To Be Kourtney Kardashian

    Celebrity

    1 day

  • 6 At-Home Remedies For Sagging Skin Dermatologists Swear By

    6 At-Home Remedies For Sagging Skin Dermatologists Swear By

    Beauty

    1 day

  • 5 Cheap Under-Eye Products Dermatologists Swear By

    5 Cheap Under-Eye Products Dermatologists Swear By

    Beauty

    1 day

  • 5 Cheap Natural Skin-Firming Products Dermatologists Swear By

    5 Cheap Natural Skin-Firming Products Dermatologists Swear By

    Beauty

    2 days

  • 4 Bedtime Mistakes That Are Ruining Your Skin, According Dermatologists

    4 Bedtime Mistakes That Are Ruining Your Skin, According Dermatologists

    Beauty

    2 days

  • This Clue Finally Proves That Kylie Jenner Is Pregnant

    This Clue Finally Proves That Kylie Jenner Is Pregnant

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • Um, What Was Kendall Jenner Thinking When She Wore This Outfit?

    Um, What Was Kendall Jenner Thinking When She Wore This Outfit?

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • Scarlett Johansson’s Got A New Boyfriend… And You’ve Definitely Seen Him Before

    Scarlett Johansson’s Got A New Boyfriend… And You’ve Definitely Seen Him Before

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • The One Cheap Natural Product Dermatologists Swear By For Blackheads

    The One Cheap Natural Product Dermatologists Swear By For Blackheads

    Beauty

    2 days

  • 5 Anti-Inflammatory Foods Experts Swear By To Look 10 Years Younger

    5 Anti-Inflammatory Foods Experts Swear By To Look 10 Years Younger

    Beauty

    3 days

  • 5 Cheap Natural Eye Creams Dermatologists Swear By For Under-Eye Bags

    5 Cheap Natural Eye Creams Dermatologists Swear By For Under-Eye Bags

    Beauty

    3 days

  • Um, Where Is Chrissy Teigen's Baby Bump?

    Um, Where Is Chrissy Teigen's Baby Bump?

    Celebrity

    3 days

  • Whoa! Are Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth MARRIED?!

    Whoa! Are Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth MARRIED?!

    Celebrity

    3 days

  • 4 Supplements You Should Take For Hair Loss, According To Dermatologists

    4 Supplements You Should Take For Hair Loss, According To Dermatologists

    Beauty

    3 days

  • Kylie Jenner Just Made The Most Amazing Announcement Ever & We're Freaking Out!

    Kylie Jenner Just Made The Most Amazing Announcement Ever & We're Freaking Out!

    Celebrity

    3 days