Many couples face the dilemma that comes when one or both of you have divorced parents. Hurt feelings, new spouses and the worry of offending someone can make for a seriously stressful situation. Even if the divorce was amicable, it can still cause you to worry. So here are seven things to keep in mind to make the wedding planning a bit easier.
1. Their relationship shouldn’t affect your wedding. If your parents don’t get along, that’s their problem–not yours. Do not let their attitude towards one another affect your plans for your big day. Whether you and your groom want an intimate affair with 10 guests or a 300 person event, plan the wedding of your dreams without hesitation.
2. Honesty is the best policy. Talk to both of your parents–separately or together–to let them know what you and your fiancé want for your wedding day, and that you hope they’re both on-board with your wishes. You might also want to discuss the planning logistics. For example, your mom will probably want to come with you for dress shopping, but maybe your dad wants to be more involved in choosing the venue or the band? And while you’re at it, try to nail down who is going to pay for what.
3. Keep the peace through seating. Where your parents sit during the ceremony is simple when everyone is getting along, but if there’s friction between your mom and dad (or their new spouses), then you will probably have to plan more carefully. Seat them on separate aisles during the ceremony and separate tables during the reception if need be.
4. This isn’t the time to advertise grudges. You want the wedding to be about you and your groom–not any issues you might have with your parents or their new spouses. So even if you can’t stand your stepmother, you still need to invite her to your wedding and treat her with respect (although it’s fine if she doesn’t have a specific role in the wedding party). If you don’t, that’s what everyone will notice and remember about the big day.
5. Take the photos you want in your album. If you would like a photo with just your mom and dad, without their new spouses, then request it. You have the right to have a special picture with both of your parents. And the same goes for stepparents. If you’re very close with one or both of them, feel free to take solo shots with them as well.
6. Go with your gut. You want to respect your parents’ wishes, especially if they’re footing some or the entire bill for the wedding. But at the same time, if you believe that a special dance with your stepfather will truly hurt your biological dad’s feelings, then don’t risk it. You don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama on this important day.
7. Remember, they love you. No matter how they feel about one another, we’re sure both of your parents love you and want you to have the most amazing wedding day ever. So keep that in mind when you’re feeling stressed over a particular issue.
For more wedding tips, check out what your wedding dress says about you and 7 wedding decision you should consult your groom about.
[Photo: Sam Blake]