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Close or Gross? 10 Ways My Daughter and I Freak Other People Out

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September 21, 2011

My daughter is only 3, but in some ways I feel like she is my best friend. I do just about everything with her and despite the fact that she’s still so young, I really like who she is as a person. I love her because she’s my child, but I also really like her.

Given the fact that it’s just she and I, we’re really close. Too close if you ask some of our friends and relatives. Some of the things we think are totally normal apparently freak out the people around us.

But isn’t this true with all moms and their kids? There’s a bond there that literally makes you do things you’d never imagined. For example…

1. My daughter and I take baths together. She loves when I join her in the bathtub and play with her bath toys. Likewise, she’ll sometimes join me in the shower and she gets a kick out of using my “fancy” soap and a body pouf.

2. We also go to the bathroom together. Part of it is paranoia for me, but I’ve also sort of gotten used to having company when I’m doing my business. My little girl is the same way, so when either one of us has to use the bathroom, the other comes along.

3. We kiss on the lips. I’ve been told that it is weird to see an adult kiss a child on the lips, but does that stop me from doing it? No way. There are instances when a smooch on the cheek just won’t cut it.

4. I eat her picked-over food. Sometimes, it’s even food that’s already been in her mouth. I know it sounds gross, but there are some things a 3-year-old just can’t appreciate. Lobster macaroni and cheese. Red velvet cupcakes. After one bite and lots of pushing around the plate, my little girl decided she didn’t like either of these dishes. And that was fine because that meant there was more for me.

5. I scratch her back. And sometimes, her behind. I know it’s weird, but my daughter loves having her back scratched. It’s our bedtime ritual. Each night I read her bedtime stories, then she falls asleep while I gently scratch her back. If she’s having trouble drifting off, she’ll ask me to scratch her behind and you know what? It works like a charm. She’s off to dreamland in no time.

6. We sleep together. Despite what countless medical experts say about co-sleeping, I’m not ashamed to admit that I still sleep with my 3-year-old. Tons of people tell me it’s unhealthy or that she’ll have problems sleeping later in life, but I just don’t buy it. It’s an opportunity for us to be close now and I’m taking it.

7. We discuss her bowel movements. And sometimes take pics. You just have to understand how fascinating poop is to a toddler. It comes in so many shapes and sizes and even colors. My daughter takes pride in counting her turds and describing their characteristics after she’s done on the potty. All I can do is smile and be happy she’s at least practicing her numbers.

8. She’s a licker. My dad taught her the gross prank of telling someone you had a secret to share and once they get close enough you stick your tongue in their ear. My daughter thinks it the funniest thing in the entire world and never misses the chance to “tell me a special secret.”

9. I chew her gum. Yes, I know she shouldn’t even technically be chewing gum and she doesn’t have it that often. But when she does, she chews it for maybe 2.5 minutes and then wants to spit it out. I’m sorry, but I’m not letting that gum go to waste. So when she’s done with it, she gives it to me to chew.

10. We walk around naked in front of each other. Granted, our nudity is limited to the confines of our own home, but my little girl knows exactly what I’m working with. She even likes to compare our bellies and butts and boobs. I actually find it endearing when she says, “Mommy I’m going to have ninnies like you one day.” Sweet, right?

Okay, maybe not to you. But you have to have your quirks too. So what about you and your children? Do you have any weird rituals that you love but that weird other people out? Share in the comments.

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