Does This Make Me a Good Mom... Or a Codependent Mother?

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October 17, 2011

Later today I’m leaving for my second business trip in a month. My daughter is staying with my parents while I’m away. We’ve only been apart 1 day, but already, I miss her like crazy.

I’ll only be gone for 2 days, but it seems like 2 months. It’s not that I’m worried she won’t be taken care of or that something will happen to her–I just miss being her mom. My mother told me it’s totally normal to miss your kids when you’re separated, but a friend of mine begs to differ. She thinks I have a codependent relationship with my daughter.

I was a little offended when my friend suggested this, but as time has passed, I can acknowledge there’s probably some truth to what she said. Being my daughter’s mother is my most cherished role in life. But I don’t think that necessarily makes me codependent–I think that makes me a good mom.

You decide, though. What kind of mom do these 10 things make me?

1. I cry when we’re separated. When I left my daughter yesterday, I cried for 10 minutes on the train. When my parents called to check in later in the evening, I cried again.

2. I get teary eyed when someone mentions her name and she’s not with me. I was coming home from dinner last night and my boyfriend asked when I was going to pick her up. Cue the waterworks.

3. I won’t vacation without her. If it was financially possible for me to bring my daughter and babysitter on this 2-day trip with me, I probably would have. This time was unavoidable, but when I travel for pleasure, I never do so without my little girl.

4. I pass the time in the airport looking at pictures of her. I got to the airport super early on my last business trip. Instead of passing out on the floor or walking around the shops, I just listened to music and flipped through old pictures of my little girl I had saved on my computer.

5. I have to close her closet door because I get sad seeing her little clothes. Before bed last night I found myself getting emotional because I was staring into my daughter’s closet. I considered sleeping in the living room so I wouldn’t have to see all her stuff in the bedroom.

6. When we’re apart, I have to speak to her every day. Multiple times a day. By video chat if at all possible.

7. I just don’t sleep as well when she’s not in the bed with me. I know it sounds crazy. I should sleep better when there aren’t little feet in my back. But I’m so used to having her in the bed with me, it’s a little unsettling to be in that big bed all alone.

8. I bring her back tons of souvenirs. They’re all worthless little trinkets and tchotchkes that I know I shouldn’t waste my money on, but I feel like I need to come bearing gifts for being away from her.

9. After I’ve been away, I always plan some mommy and me excursion we wouldn’t otherwise take. This weekend, for example, once I back from this trip I’m taking her to an apple orchard. I don’t particularly like apples, but I think she’ll have fun and I feel like I “owe” her.

10. Did I mention I miss her? Like, a lot. Like I can’t even enjoy the break or the free trip to a place I’ve never been because I just wish she was with me.

Okay, so what’s your take? Totally normal, all “good” moms feel these things? Or codependent? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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