On last night’s episode of Teen Mom, Farrah visited the gravesite of her daughter’s father, Derek, for the first time. Read our exclusive interview below to find out how she was feeling during the trip and why it’s important for her to keep Derek’s memory alive for Sophia.
What were you feeling as you were riding to Derek’s gravesite?
Driving to Missouri, I really was trying to prepare myself emotionally. Since I had never been–and never thought I would be going there for that reason–I was really trying to keep my mind off of it.
How did it feel to have your mom there with you?
I was very happy my mom was by my side. I needed support even though it’s normally hard for me having people around when I feel like I want to be alone. I felt if I started to fall to pieces she could help with Sophia so I wouldn’t make Sophia sad
How were you feeling on the ride home from the gravesite?
On the ride home from the gravesite, I was emotionally exhausted. I was happy I finally went to see Derek’s gravesite with Sophia because I wanted to go for a long time. But leaving the gravesite I wasn’t really happy–I was a mix of sad, mad, and in a state of denial.
Do you feel like the visit to Derek’s gravesite gave you closure? Will you go back to the gravesite more regularly?
As you will see later in this season and in the next season of Teen Mom, I go back again. My first time going to see Derek didn’t really give me the closure I needed. I most definitely plan to go see Derek every year, but I will go more if I need to.
Why is it important to you to keep Derek’s memory alive for Sophia?
To me it’s important to tell Sophia about her dad and the person he was. Derek and I made Sophia and she is a wonderful living child. I see Derek in Sophia, so to quit talking about her dad would be wrong. We made Sophia, we are a part of Sophia. That’s special and I will never lose sight of that. To not share or include Derek in our life would leave a big empty gap in terms of peace and love.
What’s been the hardest part of being a single mom?
To me the hardest part of me being a single parent is dealing with the grief of losing Derek on top of being financially independent, working, going to college and always trying to keep positive and happy around Sophia. It wears on me and it’s hard.
Watch Farrah Abraham on Teen Mom Tuesdays at 10 p.m. EST on MTV. Follow her on Twitter @F1abraham.
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