X

Enter to win a FREE
Detox Mud Treatment
from Exuviance!

*By entering to win, you agree to receive future emails from Exuviance.

I'm 31 And I Have No Plans To Get Married Any Time Soon So Please Stop Asking Me

Large Editorial Image


January 21, 2015

A few facts about me: I’ll be 31 in March, I have a 6-year-old daughter and I’ve been dating a guy (who isn’t my daughter’s dad, FYI) for almost four years. Actually, if you count the one year we dated in college, then make it five.

Now if you’re like most people you’re probably thinking, “Are you getting married soon?” And my answer? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not really sure. We don’t even live together. Don’t get me wrong–I love my boyfriend dearly and could 100% see myself growing old with him. But moving in together and getting married? Honestly, I’m in no rush.

Given my age, it will probably come as no surprise that people constantly ask about my marriage plans as soon as they find out I have a boyfriend. Actually, allow me to clarify–women always probe about when I’m getting married and why we don’t live together and aren’t you afraid he’ll never ask. Men are just like, “Hmm, that’s nice.” I’ve actually started avoiding even mentioning him to people I’m just getting to know so I don’t have to deal with the same line of questioning that inevitably comes. Also, I kinda flipped on this one woman who insinuated I wasn’t smart for locking him down because I was getting old. “Excuse me, everybody isn’t thirsty for a husband like you, okay?” Way harsh, yes, but imagine how frustrating it is to have this discussion over and over again. Not every woman is looking to get wifed up ASAP, people!

I constantly see articles and Facebook posts about women choosing a childfree lifestyle and even as a mom, I’m all for that. It’s your life and God knows having a kid isn’t easy. But I often wonder why can’t people be just as understanding about a woman’s choice to get married? It’s just as big of a commitment as motherhood, so why the pressure to do it when you reach a certain age?

I’m often asked what’s holding us back from getting married? What are we waiting for? The truth is, we’re both content with the relationship as it is, so why risk mucking everything up by getting married just because that’s what people do? We both have our own apartments and therefore our own space, which is amazing. I like to keep my place super neat, him not so much. The beauty of our current situation is that I rarely nag him about it. Similarly, he has his money and I have mine. I don’t need him to support me and he doesn’t need me to support him. We split things like dinners and vacations, but it’s also totally fine that we both have our own money, too. I could go on and on–alone time, personal space, no splitting the holidays. Our relationship as unmarrieds is actually quite practical and enjoyable, so what exactly would being married change for the better? What difference does that piece of paper really make?

My 90-year-old grandmother has very little patience for my apathy toward marriage. She has flat out told me that I need to stop being so damned independent and just submit. And as rudimentary as that may sound, she actually understands what no one else seems to. I haven’t lived with someone (besides my daughter) for more than ten years; I’ve come and gone as I please since I left for college; I’ve been earning and spending my own money since I was 18. Hell, I’ve been raising a child on my own for the last six years. Does all of that amount to me being fiercely independent, bordering on selfish? Yeah, probably. But truthfully, why would anyone give that up? I’ll say it again–I love my boyfriend, no doubt about it in my mind. But I love me, too. And if marriage means giving up some of the liberties I’ve grown accustomed to, I’m not so sure about it.

Lucky for me, my boyfriend isn’t in a huge rush to get married either, so we’re good. It’s everyone around us that seems to feel weirded out by two thirty-year-olds in a long-term relationship without rings. But we can’t possibly be alone. Any other ladies in their 30s or 40s whose marriage clock is totally not ticking? Share your experiences in the comments. And married ladies, you’re welcome to chime in, too. Let me know what I’m really missing in the marriage department.

Unrelated, you should also check out how to stop snacking at night and how to ask for a raise.

 



  • Nordstrom Shoppers Love This Warm And Flattering $29 V-Neck Sweater

    Nordstrom Shoppers Love This Warm And Flattering $29 V-Neck Sweater

    Style

    1 day

  • Psst! You Need To Shop These Cute Suede $39 Booties From Sole Society ASAP

    Psst! You Need To Shop These Cute Suede $39 Booties From Sole Society ASAP

    Style

    1 day

  • Weekend Project: Make Your Own Soothing, Hydrating Bath Bomb

    Weekend Project: Make Your Own Soothing, Hydrating Bath Bomb

    Beauty

    2 days

  • 5 Beauty Boxes You Need To Subscribe To Right Now!

    5 Beauty Boxes You Need To Subscribe To Right Now!

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Update Your Winter Look With One Of These Pretty Braided Hairstyle Ideas

    Update Your Winter Look With One Of These Pretty Braided Hairstyle Ideas

    Beauty

    2 days

  • The Only Beauty Repair Cream You NEED This Winter Is Super Cheap RN With Our 20% Off Code

    The Only Beauty Repair Cream You NEED This Winter Is Super Cheap RN With Our 20% Off Code

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Here's How To Get $50 Off Your Order At Space NK This Weekend

    Here's How To Get $50 Off Your Order At Space NK This Weekend

    Beauty

    2 days

  • 5 Cheap Natural At-Home Remedies Dermatologists Swear By For Thinning Hair

    5 Cheap Natural At-Home Remedies Dermatologists Swear By For Thinning Hair

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Need A Last-Minute Holiday Gift? Snag A $100 Credit To Collage.com For Just $24.99!

    Need A Last-Minute Holiday Gift? Snag A $100 Credit To Collage.com For Just $24.99!

    Shop

    2 days

  • These Red Outfit Ideas Are Perfect For When You Need A Break From Black

    These Red Outfit Ideas Are Perfect For When You Need A Break From Black

    Style

    3 days

  • 7 Affordable Gifts To Buy For The Gucci Lover

    7 Affordable Gifts To Buy For The Gucci Lover

    Style

    3 days

  • J.McLaughlin Just Launched A Shoe Collection And You're Going To Want All Four Styles

    J.McLaughlin Just Launched A Shoe Collection And You're Going To Want All Four Styles

    Style

    3 days

  • 5 Cheap Natural Chapsticks Dermatologists Swear By

    5 Cheap Natural Chapsticks Dermatologists Swear By

    Beauty

    4 days

  • Drop Everything--Ulta's Holiday Beauty Blitz Sale Is Happening Right Now!

    Drop Everything--Ulta's Holiday Beauty Blitz Sale Is Happening Right Now!

    Beauty

    4 days

  • 9 iPhone Apps That Will Make The Holidays Easier, According To An Expert

    9 iPhone Apps That Will Make The Holidays Easier, According To An Expert

    4 days

  • Target Is Going To Have SAME-DAY Delivery Service in 2018!

    Target Is Going To Have SAME-DAY Delivery Service in 2018!

    Shop

    4 days

  • 5 Simple Ways To Boost Your Mood This Winter #WellnessWednesday

    5 Simple Ways To Boost Your Mood This Winter #WellnessWednesday

    4 days

  • Mark Your Calendar! The New NARS Natural Radiant Longwear Foundation Launches On December 14

    Mark Your Calendar! The New NARS Natural Radiant Longwear Foundation Launches On December 14

    Beauty

    5 days

  • Want To Work At SHEfinds? We're Hiring!

    Want To Work At SHEfinds? We're Hiring!

    5 days

  • 18 Wedding Dress Trends That Are Going To Be HUGE In 2018

    18 Wedding Dress Trends That Are Going To Be HUGE In 2018

    Weddings

    5 days

  • Curology Makes Custom Skincare Tailored For Your Unique Skin... Get Your First Month Free!

    Curology Makes Custom Skincare Tailored For Your Unique Skin... Get Your First Month Free!

    Beauty

    5 days

  • Once And For All, Here's How To Heal Dry, Cracked Lips #SheFindsSoutions

    Once And For All, Here's How To Heal Dry, Cracked Lips #SheFindsSoutions

    Beauty

    5 days

  • You Can Get Wine At Trader Joe's For Under $20 (You're Welcome!)

    You Can Get Wine At Trader Joe's For Under $20 (You're Welcome!)

    5 days

  • The One Drugstore Chapstick You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Drugstore Chapstick You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    5 days

  • 4 Amazing K-Beauty Skincare Products That You Can Get From CVS Right Now

    4 Amazing K-Beauty Skincare Products That You Can Get From CVS Right Now

    Beauty

    5 days

  • See Ugg's Collection For The New Movie

    See Ugg's Collection For The New Movie "Star Wars: The Last Jedi"

    Kids

    5 days

  • Stay Warm This Winter In One Of These Stylish Wool Coats Under $200

    Stay Warm This Winter In One Of These Stylish Wool Coats Under $200

    Style

    5 days

  • These Cute Faux-Fur Lined Merrell Boots Actually Make Us Excited For Snowy Winter Weather

    These Cute Faux-Fur Lined Merrell Boots Actually Make Us Excited For Snowy Winter Weather

    Shop

    5 days

  • This Is The Strapless Bra Every Woman <em>Needs</em> For Holiday Party Season (And Beyond)

    This Is The Strapless Bra Every Woman Needs For Holiday Party Season (And Beyond)

    Shop

    5 days

  • When Is The Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale & What Goodies Can You Expect?

    When Is The Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale & What Goodies Can You Expect?

    Style

    5 days

  • Don't Miss Your Chance To Win A SodaStream Fizzi Signed By Jillian Micheals!

    Don't Miss Your Chance To Win A SodaStream Fizzi Signed By Jillian Micheals!

    Style

    5 days

  • The One Shaving Cream You Should Stop Using, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Shaving Cream You Should Stop Using, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    2 days

  • The One Hair Trend That Will Be Out For 2018

    The One Hair Trend That Will Be Out For 2018

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Here’s Why Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani May Not Be Getting Married, Ever.

    Here’s Why Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani May Not Be Getting Married, Ever.

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • Um, Did Fergie Really Not Know That Her Outfit Was Completely See-Thru?

    Um, Did Fergie Really Not Know That Her Outfit Was Completely See-Thru?

    Celebrity

    2 days

  • 6 Reasons You Should Stop Everything And Detox With A Pink Himalayan Salt Mineral Soak

    6 Reasons You Should Stop Everything And Detox With A Pink Himalayan Salt Mineral Soak

    Beauty

    2 days

  • Hands Down, These Are The 5 Best Bras For Women With Big Boobs

    Hands Down, These Are The 5 Best Bras For Women With Big Boobs

    Style

    2 days

  • The One Anti-Inflammatory Food You Should Have Before 8am To Get Rid Of Wrinkles

    The One Anti-Inflammatory Food You Should Have Before 8am To Get Rid Of Wrinkles

    Beauty

    3 days

  • The One Chapstick That Actually Dries Out Your Lips, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Chapstick That Actually Dries Out Your Lips, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    3 days

  • The One Anti-Inflammatory Food You Should Eat To Reverse Signs Of Aging, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Anti-Inflammatory Food You Should Eat To Reverse Signs Of Aging, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    3 days

  • How Did Kendall Jenner Not Realize Her Top Was See-Through?

    How Did Kendall Jenner Not Realize Her Top Was See-Through?

    Celebrity

    3 days

  • Meghan Markle Was The Most Searched Woman In 2017

    Meghan Markle Was The Most Searched Woman In 2017

    Celebrity

    3 days

  • 3 Kylie Cosmetics Red Velvet Holiday Lip Kit Dupes That Are Just As Great As The Original

    3 Kylie Cosmetics Red Velvet Holiday Lip Kit Dupes That Are Just As Great As The Original

    Beauty

    3 days

  • The One Skincare Product You Should Never Use After Working Out, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Skincare Product You Should Never Use After Working Out, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    3 days

  • The One Hair Gel You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    The One Hair Gel You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    Beauty

    4 days

  • The One Drugstore Deodorant You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Drugstore Deodorant You Should Start Using, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    4 days

  • The One Hair Brush You Should Stop Using For Thinning Hair, According To Experts

    The One Hair Brush You Should Stop Using For Thinning Hair, According To Experts

    Beauty

    4 days

  • The One Deodorant You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    The One Deodorant You Should Stop Using, According To Experts

    Beauty

    5 days

  • Kylie Jenner’s Boobs Have Gotten HUGE, And We Love It!

    Kylie Jenner’s Boobs Have Gotten HUGE, And We Love It!

    Celebrity

    5 days

  • The One Beauty Trend That Will Be Out For 2018

    The One Beauty Trend That Will Be Out For 2018

    Beauty

    5 days

  • Kim Kardashian Is Being Accused Of Plagiarizing Designs For Her Kid's Clothing Line

    Kim Kardashian Is Being Accused Of Plagiarizing Designs For Her Kid's Clothing Line

    Celebrity

    5 days

  • Did Kourtney Kardashian Really Not Realize That Her Bra Was Showing Through Her Shirt?

    Did Kourtney Kardashian Really Not Realize That Her Bra Was Showing Through Her Shirt?

    Celebrity

    5 days

  • The One Vitamin You Should Take For Longer Hair, According To A Dermatologist

    The One Vitamin You Should Take For Longer Hair, According To A Dermatologist

    Beauty

    5 days