Twenty-two year old University of Oklahoma student, Jennifer Berry (no relation to Halle- though with those pearly whites she may also be a GoSmiler.), was crowned Miss America January 21. Her talent? Ballet. Her career aspiration? To be an elementary school teacher. I can just imagine the talk among the sixth grade boys praying to have her as their teacher: “So, who’s your home room teacher this year, Bobby?” “I have Miss Berrrrrry.” As if hormones raging in kids on the cusp of adolescence weren’t enough. I’ve never been one to find beauty pageants exploitative. In fact, I like watching them…who’s pretty, who’s not, who wore the best evening gown, who almost tripped down the stairs. I must have a mean streak. At 33, a shot at the title is not possible for me anymore (like it ever was). Besides, karma would probably bite me in the behind and I’d end up tripping down the stairs on national television, wearing the ugliest dress on stage, looking up at 51 women who are much prettier than me. However, I can still feel like Miss America and purchase her nifty little scepter and other official merchandise such as tiaras, jewelry and assorted tchotchke. Find them at schoppy.net.
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