Tell the truth: how many of the “Sh*t _______ Say” have you watched? Me? At least 15. Some are funny, some not so much. But you know what I was thinking? Why hasn’t anyone done a really good “Sh*t Moms Say”? I mean, as a mom I can admit we say some pretty cooky things. I’d be willing to bet that no group of people talks more about bowel movements than us.
So because I think people should stick to what they do best, I won’t attempt to act. Instead, I’ve compiled some of our favorite “Sh*t Moms Say” for your reading pleasure.
1. “Can you watch him for a minute?” Never would you think to ask a complete stranger to watch your purse or your unlocked car with the keys in the ignition, so why moms think it’s perfectly normal to ask someone they’ve known for all of 5 minutes at the playground to watch their kid is completely baffling.
2. “OMG, I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in months.” It’s no secret that moms are basically walking zombies, especially new moms. And it just wouldn’t be fair if we didn’t remind all you well-rested folks out there just how little sleep.
3. “Wait until you have kids.” There are some things childless adults just don’t understand. And us parents will never pass up the opportunity to remind them of just how little they really know.
4. “Is this BPA-free?” Before children, we were perfectly content downing water from a BPA-laden water bottle. After kids? BPA is clearly the devil.
5. “Is this organic?” Because once you’ve made the decision to feed your child organic only, a single McDonald’s french fry will cause him/her to spontaneously combust.
6. “Smile! Look at me honey. Look at the camera.” We need a good one for Facebook!
7. “Do you have to go to the bathroom?” Go to the bathroom. Did you go to the bathroom? Did you wash your hands? With soap?
8. “Stop. Stop. Stop.” Stop touching that. Stop picking your nose. Stop hitting your sister. Stop playing with your food. Just. Stop.
9. “Is it okay if I bring my kids?” Moms can be considerate, too. We always like to check beforehand if our kids can come along to the party. If not? Don’t expect us to show up. Sitters are expensive.
10. “Let’s have a playdate!” Because sitting awkwardly on your couch with a glass of wine while our babies crawl around and stare at each other is all kinds of fun.
Now be honest–how many of these do you say? Any others you and your mommy friends always say? Share in the comments.
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