We don't hate Heidi Klum–even though she is beautiful. She's married to Seal, and he's pretty awesome. They have adorable little babies, so that's awesome. And Heidi actually managed to say "auf Wiedersehen" every week on Project Runway without it becoming the most annoying catch prase ever, so that's kinda awesome, too. What's not awesome in the least–and we use "awesome" here in the original sense of the word, as in "something that fills one with wonder"–is the new line of jeans she designed for Jordache, recently and exclusively on sale at Bloomindales. With this collection, themed Naughty and Nice, the German model-cum-businesswoman has added denim design to her already impressive Klum-brand caboodle of jewelry, lingerie, and shoes. But this time, her pieces fail to impress.
We like the gold Lurex detail and high-ish waist on these Elli Bootcut Jeans ($160), but the leg looks way too stiff. And the back pocket logo reminds us of cowboys, which is not exactly the effect we like our butts to have.
But then again, take away that flying v pattern, and you have these Heidi Flare Jeans ($140), which look more sophisticated, and could definitely be work-appropriate – but that's because they're so simple and – dare I say it? – a little boring. The flare isn't enough to have the pizazz of the wide-legged trousers we saw last winter, and without any special detailing, there's nothing to make these jeans stand out in an ever-growing crowd of designer denim.
And what is the deal with these Heidi Bleach Flares ($140)? Did the clock turn back to 1996 without us noticing? Sorry, Heidi – nothing personal. But we expected more from a woman who listened to her Project Runway judges ream contestants for errors far less grave than these.
What we do like from Heidi's collection are these fabulous little jean shorts ($98) and two-button top ($168). It gives us hope that her next collection for Jordache will prove to be something far more awesome than these first few pieces from Naughty and (not so) Nice.