A few weeks back my husband and I pulled off a relatively traffic-free drive to Katonah, New York to see family for Thanksgiving. He and I had gone back and forth as to whether or not to tell our families we were pregnant before we did our first trimester blood tests… but people started guessing when I could barely eat dinner. So, cat’s out of the bag!
Everyone was so excited, laughing and hugging me, feeding me and then telling me to take a nap! It was all so great and I wanted to be completely elated… but that’s still hard.
Which brings me to the blood tests. I don’t know how your pregnancies went, but this is by far the scariest part for me. Along with the stress of the tests for Tay Sachs, toxoplasmosis, and a host of other things, I have to sit around and wait for my results. I have to wait on pins and needles to see if my baby will be healthy.
And what do I do if it’s not? Our doctor advised having “the conversation.” “There’s no right answer,” he said, “you just have to decide what you can and cannnot do.” But that’s easier said than done. It kills me. What if my baby has Down’s; do I keep it? And after 3 months of bonding with my little Peanut, can I make the decision to, metaphorically speaking, wipe the slate clean if it has Tay Sachs?
During this time, which everyone and their mother tells you should be the happiest of your life, how do you cope with not knowing if everything will be ok? How can you make that kind of a decision?
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