Recently, Jezebel.com made merciless fun of popular women’s magazines’ attempts to create new ways to get you to purchase their wares. One of their writers highlighted how the September issue of Lucky created an entirely new lexicon for some items. In the spirit of all that is fashion, we figured, hey, why not? Please follow along as we present essentials for fall, written in magazine-ese:
Feeling the need to boost your lashes for that step into cooler weather? The defined eye is a big look for fall’s trip to the 90’s. Grab yourself some Cover Girl LashBlast mascara ($6.88) and get lashy, man-trapping, Venus Fly Trap-eze lashes.
Can’t exactly handle the liquid liner look without making mistakes? Fear not! Get the L’oreal Paris Voluminous Mistake-Proof Marker ($7.50), a dual liner that allows for thick or thin, swoopy or Cleopatra-esque defined lines with minimal mistakes.
Usually if someone uses the word “dewy” around here, we get a towel or slap some blotting papers on that issue. How about moisturized? Grab yourself some Philosophy Hope in a Jar ($38) and relax knowing that you look…well, nourished? Relaxed? Hydrated? We’re running out of funny here, people.
Never fear about the lips: we’ve got your pucker covered. Red lips are totally come-hither and succulent (yeah, I can’t believe I used that either) in a sexy terracotta-plum like M.A.C. Viva Glam VI lipstick ($14).
Don’t forget those nails! Leave those neon 80s shades behind and grab something a little more Starbucky, like Rescue Beauty Lounge Au Chocolat nail polish ($18). Those chocolate brown shades from the 90s are back with a vengeance.
So, all kidding aside, these are some of our favorites for fall beauty. Have some fun and remember to have some fun with your makeup this fall, including the words you use to describe it!
Peruse our Beauty Bestsellers Guide and create your own descriptions for all the beauty classics.