What Do Your Jeans Say About You?
January 11, 2008
With thousands of different brands and styles of denim littering your local Bloomie's, your choice in jeans says just as much about you as your own amino acids. So, what does your wardrobe staple reveal? Take a read and see where you fall…
1) Ksubi Superskinny Zip Denim ($220): The wearer of Ksubi's skinny jeans is, well, super skinny. Strutting down Fashion Avenue, cutting lines at chic clubs, or drinking her dinner (a skim latte followed by a cigarette), she prides herself upon her minimal waistline and expansive knowledge of hip designers. Only her hairdresser knows the state of constant anxiety that the decision between being a double or single process blonde inspires. Upon conversing, she may wax nostalgically about her days as a Ford model or her last Master Cleanse. However, beware of this urban waif because a combination of low blood sugar, uncomfortable Jimmy Choos, and high caffeination leave her both irritable and unpredictable.
2) Notify Opium High Waist Flare Jean ($230): The wearer of high-waisted jeans not only has a positive relationship with her mother, but she also remembers the 80s fondly. (Possibly because she wore diapers for the majority of them.) A fashion risk taker, she is likely to throw caution to the wind…but only if a celebrity sets the precident. Hence, the paprazzi photos in US Weekly and In Touch read like her sartorial horoscope. Her cryptonite is time, because every passing day moves her closer to her wardrobe expiration's date. You can find her attempting to become the Cobrasnake's newest muse or watching Gossip Girl. She spends her darkest hours staring numbly at the out-of-style section of her wardrobe, lamenting her "I'm a Carrie" and "Team Aniston" t-shirts, sequin shrug, and vast selection of oversize flower pins she bought in an effort to mimic SJP's Sex and the City style.
3) Eddie Bauer Original Loose Fit Jeans: This woman hasn't picked up a fashion mag in years – she's too busy carting her 2.5 kids to soccer practice and piano lessons. In fact, the only shopping she does is at Limited Too or in the children's department. She indulges by TiVOing Lifetime made-for-TV originals and drinking Margaritas at Chili's with the mothers from the PTA. If Oprah told her to jump off a bridge, she'd probably spend a week discussing the merits of bridge hopping with her husband before dismissing it. Be careful, because this mommy will clean things off your face with spit. We all hope she'll replace her "mom" jeans with some cool Not Your Daughter's Jeans ($118) made for mamas in need of fashion help.