So you just graduated college and you’re still with your hunky frat-star boyfriend, but you’re feeling like your relationship just isn’t what it used to be. (Trust me girl, I’ve been there.) Since you’ve left campus, there is so much more to worry about than what time you’re going to meet him for lunch and where you guys are going to pre-game together. Now that you’re grown-ups (scary, I know), you have so much to worry about like landing a job, finding an apartment, paying your bills and managing your post-grad depression.
You may have graduated with hopes and dreams of moving to a big city with your B.A.E., getting a big ole’ rock (ring, that is) and living happily ever after. How cute would that be? All of your bridesmaids and groomsmen would already know eachother, and your wedding would be off the chain! Maybe you’ve even talked about dogs and kids, but now these things just don’t seem realistic.
Let’s face it, girls are just better at being adults than 20-something year old boys. We know what we want in life and we go out and get it. Guys on the other hand, are usually not as motivated. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but most guys don’t know how to function outside the walls of ther frat house. And let’s be honest… is living in a frat house really considered “functioning” ?
All of these post-grad stresses are taking a toll on your relationship and making a future with “him” seem a little fuzzy. You used to have so much fun together, but now that you have responsibilities, and you basically have to start all over again and learn how to be a couple. But what if he can’t? What if he’s just not ready for a “real world” relationship?
Now, I know that he’ll eventually get his act together (they all do), but do you really want to wait around and put up with that, sistas? Probably not. It could take years. We’re strong young women, and we can’t waste any time on men that just don’t want it as bad as we do. So, if you see any of these signs with your college boyfriend, I suggest you rethink your relationship, before you’re the one left broken hearted.
1. He just can’t seem to get his life together. If he’s graduated college and he hasn’t started looking for a job or made any plans for the future (with or without you in them), head for the hills.
2. He’s on the 5, 6 or 7 year plan. Ok, so he changed his major 15 times, MAYBE one victory lap or SUPER senior year is acceptable, but anything past that is a huge red flag. He’s either lazy or too afraid to grow up.
3. He is insecure that you are more successful than him. “HELLO! I’m a girl, and I have my shit together.”
4. Your parents don’t like him anymore, because he “isn’t going anywhere and he isn’t motivated.”
5. He gave up on finding a real job and settled for being a full-time bartender. (Insert eye-roll here.)
6. He thinks 5 whiskey cokes is a “casual night out” and he still tries to make Thirsty Thursdays happen. Sorry babe, but they aren’t going to happen.
7. He complains about bills, rent and the cost of groceries, but he’s totally ok with blowing $80 on a bottle at the club…every Saturday night.
8. He is disappointed in you when he notices that you’ve grown up. When you’re out together, he says things like, “You can’t hang,” “You just can’t drink like you used,” and “Why aren’t you fun anymore?”
9. He still blacks out regularly and even attends raves.
10. Even though he graduated, he won’t stop using phrases like ‘bro,” “dude” and “that’s so frat.”
11. He still wears his fraternity T-shirts on the reg. Time to get a new wardrobe.
12. He still brings up his fraternity in conversation at every chance he gets, and it is starting to get old, not to mention, embarrassing, especially if he does it in front of your new friends or co-workers. Newsflash Buddy, nobody cares.
13. Do you ever wonder if you were just together, because he was the jocky fratstar, you were the cheerleader, and people liked you together? Were you just shiny prizes to brag about or are there still feelings there even though this has been taken out of the equation? Hmmm…
14 You’re both still living with you parents, and even if you live in the same hometown, you’ll always have mommy and daddy looking over your shoulder and checking up on what you’re doing. (Aka. Your dating life has turned into a PG movie.)
15. And since your life has turned into a PG movie, your relationship will enter the “friend zone” without you even noticing.
16. You’re doing long distance, and you’re trying to make it work, but all you’re getting out of it is jealousy, FOMO and arguments.
17. You constantly talk about who is going to fork out a few hundred bucks so that you can visit eachother. And since you’re the girl, you have your life together (sort of) and you live in a better city, you win the argument…but he never comes to vist.
18. You used to text all day, every day, but now you’re too busy to care. Skype is your new go-to form of communication.”Skype dates” aren’t THAT bad, right? WRONG.
19. You never had a fight in college, but now even the smallest thing is a big issue because you’re stressed, bogged down at work and you’re too busy to care.
20. Now that you aren’t living right across campus from him, you’ll never know what he’s up to. He could be going on dates or shmoozing girls on Tinder for all you know.
21. You can’t monitor his alcohol intake, life choices and text messages anymore. If that doesn’t sit right with you, end it before you drive yourself insane.
22. You’re turning into one of “those girls” you promised you would never be. You know…the one’s that go psycho on their BF’s for no reasons?
23. College was carefree and you had all of the time in the world to hang out and go on dates. But now that you have to work around eachother’s busy schedules, you only hang out once or twice a week.
24. When he does make the time to hang out with you, all he does is complain about work and how tired he is (aka. He’s a lazy bum.)
25. And forget about scheduling time to see each other, money is a whole other issue. If he can’t afford to take you out for a slice of pizza (they’re only a $1 in NYC) and an ice cream cone. Just break it off now.
26. His friends don’t take your relationship seriously, because it is so hot and cold.
27. During your college years, you were always hanging out with other friends or other couples, and it was rarely ever “just the two of you.” But now that your mutual friends are scattered across the country living their own adult lives and you two are on your own, the relationship just isn’t the same.
28. You’ve heard “I’m going to change for you” one two many times, and you want to believe it, but deep down, you know he never will.
29. You find yourself questioning whether or not he really is “the one,” and if you’re having these thoughts…get out now!
But if you’re still in love after all of this, and you’ve managed to maintain your relationship post-graduation, maybe he really will be the one. There are tons of “college sweethearts” out there. Who knows…maybe you’ll be a success story.
And don’t forget to check out: 51 reasons you and your BFF will be friends forever, 10 lessons you live in a sorority and 15 things nobody tells you about living in NYC.
[Photo: Radiokafka, Shutterstock]