How To Pick Your Maid Of Honor If You Have Two Best Friends Or Sisters

August 17, 2016 by Justine Schwartz
shefinds | Weddings

If you have two sisters or very close best friends, choosing your maid of honor can be incredibly tricky (for obvious reasons). Here are some tips that might help make this sticky situation a little less gnarly for you:

Have a Matron and Maid

If one of your sisters or besties are married, technically they are a “matron of honor” and it’s totally normal to have both a maid and matron. Here’s a list of the different responsibilities for each role. That solves that!

Make A Deal To Rotate Turns

If you have two sisters, the three of you can make a pact to rotate who gets to be the maid of honor at each of your weddings so everybody gets a turn and you don’t have to have a co-maid of honor situation (which can be tricky, more on that later). If it’s awkward picking which of you will MOH for which, choose a completely democratic way of doing it–like by birth order: The eldest serves as maid of honor for the middle sister, the middle serves as MOH for the youngest, and the youngest for the oldest (or vice versa). This is the easiest way to keep the process drama free (I mean is anything with three sisters really drama free??).

READ MORE: 9 Things Your Bridesmaids Should Be Doing

Consider Three Things: The Duties Of The Job, Their Current Situation & Your Relationship

When choosing among best friends, use your best judgement to pick the right woman for the job. Consider these three thing:

1) Who is most likely to handle the responsibilities of the job well (remaining calm and clear-headed on the day-of, organizing your bachelorette and helping with the shower, etc.)? Your friend who is disorganized or flaky or who you don’t feel like you can rely on is not the best person for the job, no matter how much you love her. Consider giving her another role in the wedding that she’ll actually be great for. Like giving a toast or picking the after-party playlist.

2) Has she recently had a big life change (move, new job, break-up) that would make it difficult for her to play this supportive role for you? If she has major stresses in her life right now, do her a favor and go with your other friend. She’ll likely be relieved not to have to do it.

3) What is your relationship like? Is volatile or steady? Have you been friends forever or are you fairly recent buds? Do you see yourselves staying close for many years to come–raising your kids together, etc.? Whichever person you have known the longest, can count on the most and see yourself being friends with the longest should be your MOH. Don’t just consider who you’re getting along with *right now*; like the wedding pictures, your MOH choice will live on in perpetuity.

READ MORE: How To Not Piss Off Your Bridesmaids

Have Co-Maid of Honors

This is my least-favorite option, because I think it adds complexity and potential awkwardness to a situation that really doesn’t need it. You should have a great, supportive, organized, loving MOH who will be your go-to gal on the day of the wedding. Period. Her responsibilities should be clear and she shouldn’t have to ask you too many questions or cause extra drama for you–she’s there to help, and trust me there will be no shortage of drama in other areas of planning. Having two maid of honors complicates things–who will do what? Who walks last in the procession? Who picks the bachelorette destination? Who communicates with the rest of the bridal party? It gets sticky.

But of course, if you really can’t pick *which* best friend or sister to make your MOH, this is a way to not have to make the decision at all.

So, there you have it–some helpful tips for choosing your MOH when it’s not such an obvious choice. Was this article helpful for you?

[Photo: The Happy Bloom]


Editorial Director

Justine Schwartz is a veteran women's lifestyle editor; she's written extensively about style & beauty tips, health advice and wedding planning for more than a decade. Her work has appeared in New York Magazine, Huffington Post and New York Weddings. Justine has been with SheFinds since 2010; you can reach her via email at [email protected]

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